Sometimes I find my level of ignorability hard to cope with. It sometimes feels like I'm trying break through a glass barrier by throwing rubber erasers at it.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A Love Letter
Dearest Friend,
I feel as if you and I have traveled so far to this place. This place with my bare feet dug into the sand of holy ground. With the fire of your morning light touching my skin and the gentle whisper of your voice echoing through the silent stones.
Yes dear Friend, we have come so far from that shadow of darkness. There was a time where I doubted your presence. Where life and all its bitter sting weighed heavy on my heart. I could not see past my own sorrow. I could not see through to you, waiting patiently for me to come and receive your comfort. I remember still the heartbreak brought from life's persistent losses. I remember the death, abandonment, and disappointment that this world seemed to heap upon my head like burning coals. But still even though I could not see you, you were there carrying me through. Leading me on and up to this place.
There have been times where I was angered by you. By your very existence. But, I could not say that I really knew you all that well, could I? My whole life has been full of those telling me who you are and who you are not. So many people have used you to justify their humanity and their sin. Your true nature masked behind misunderstanding and deceit. Your plans for me blocked by my false opinion of you and by my stubborn heart.
I remember our once so frequent conversations. Staring out the window watching the fog covered mountains and rivers flow by like a dream. I told you of my cares and my wishes. All the things that weighed so heavy on my mind. You listened as I described my struggles to find meaning. You mended me in my brokeness more times than I can count.You showed me comfort in impossible situations. You listened as I cried out for understanding. You alone were the one who knew me completely. My ins and outs, what made me tick. After all you made me.
So when I call you dearest friend, I should really say dearest Father. For you have been nothing short of my savior, my protector, and my counselor. When you sent your son to be slaughtered by the hands of men and their sin, you thought of me. You knew the price was great and the burden was heavy. But in your great and boundless love you had to rescue me from the darkness. You had to make sure that we could be together.
Knowing all this how could I not give my life, heart, and breath to you? We have come all this way together. We still have so far to go.
So while we are here in this place of infinite peace and beauty, finally meeting with the clarity you and I sought so hard after. Let this testimony and these words and even the steady beating of my heart be a covenant between you and I. A promise to never settle for anything less then your will for my life. A plan for me to get to you, and to be a beacon for all those still crawling helplessly through the darkness. Let me be all that you created me to be and more.
Forever Yours
I feel as if you and I have traveled so far to this place. This place with my bare feet dug into the sand of holy ground. With the fire of your morning light touching my skin and the gentle whisper of your voice echoing through the silent stones.
Yes dear Friend, we have come so far from that shadow of darkness. There was a time where I doubted your presence. Where life and all its bitter sting weighed heavy on my heart. I could not see past my own sorrow. I could not see through to you, waiting patiently for me to come and receive your comfort. I remember still the heartbreak brought from life's persistent losses. I remember the death, abandonment, and disappointment that this world seemed to heap upon my head like burning coals. But still even though I could not see you, you were there carrying me through. Leading me on and up to this place.
There have been times where I was angered by you. By your very existence. But, I could not say that I really knew you all that well, could I? My whole life has been full of those telling me who you are and who you are not. So many people have used you to justify their humanity and their sin. Your true nature masked behind misunderstanding and deceit. Your plans for me blocked by my false opinion of you and by my stubborn heart.
I remember our once so frequent conversations. Staring out the window watching the fog covered mountains and rivers flow by like a dream. I told you of my cares and my wishes. All the things that weighed so heavy on my mind. You listened as I described my struggles to find meaning. You mended me in my brokeness more times than I can count.You showed me comfort in impossible situations. You listened as I cried out for understanding. You alone were the one who knew me completely. My ins and outs, what made me tick. After all you made me.
So when I call you dearest friend, I should really say dearest Father. For you have been nothing short of my savior, my protector, and my counselor. When you sent your son to be slaughtered by the hands of men and their sin, you thought of me. You knew the price was great and the burden was heavy. But in your great and boundless love you had to rescue me from the darkness. You had to make sure that we could be together.
Knowing all this how could I not give my life, heart, and breath to you? We have come all this way together. We still have so far to go.
So while we are here in this place of infinite peace and beauty, finally meeting with the clarity you and I sought so hard after. Let this testimony and these words and even the steady beating of my heart be a covenant between you and I. A promise to never settle for anything less then your will for my life. A plan for me to get to you, and to be a beacon for all those still crawling helplessly through the darkness. Let me be all that you created me to be and more.
Forever Yours
Monday, August 8, 2011
i am here
I find myself traveling through memory as of late. Back to the times where summer lasted forever in a magical haze. Times spent outdoors in the hot sun. The feel of wet grass under my calloused feet after using the hose to cool down.
Those summer evenings stand out most of all. A sunset sky engulfing a view of the neighborhood as the warm summer breeze blows through an old screen window. Dreams about the future being inspired, untainted by the harshness of reality.
Naivety protected me then. The unknowing and uncaring shield of youth and ignorance. Life's many burdens seemed so far and untouchable.
I find now that I am very much like a stone in a stream. I am unmovable as the world and time flow by me. But also like a stone in moving water I wear and age.
There are those that have the ability to pick me out of the water and to move and inspire me. They show me I have worth and they push me to move in a direction of growth and healing. She does that. That's why I had to make her mine. Because she shows me I have value and talent. She pushes me to be a better person. She helps to pull me up and away from those who would drag me further into my own personal darkness. She helps open my eyes to truth and light. There are times when she makes me feel like I did back then. So care free and ready for the roads ahead of me.
She is my wife, and my best friend. She sees things in me that I can not. She is my voice of reason when my head becomes a place of chaos and despair. Thank God, I found her.
Those summer evenings stand out most of all. A sunset sky engulfing a view of the neighborhood as the warm summer breeze blows through an old screen window. Dreams about the future being inspired, untainted by the harshness of reality.
Naivety protected me then. The unknowing and uncaring shield of youth and ignorance. Life's many burdens seemed so far and untouchable.
I find now that I am very much like a stone in a stream. I am unmovable as the world and time flow by me. But also like a stone in moving water I wear and age.
There are those that have the ability to pick me out of the water and to move and inspire me. They show me I have worth and they push me to move in a direction of growth and healing. She does that. That's why I had to make her mine. Because she shows me I have value and talent. She pushes me to be a better person. She helps to pull me up and away from those who would drag me further into my own personal darkness. She helps open my eyes to truth and light. There are times when she makes me feel like I did back then. So care free and ready for the roads ahead of me.
She is my wife, and my best friend. She sees things in me that I can not. She is my voice of reason when my head becomes a place of chaos and despair. Thank God, I found her.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Singer
I could sing you a song without music, only to hope that the sound of my voice and the words from my lips will echo into your perfect ear. Praying that you would hear and understand my everlasting love for you.
I could sing for you a melody so you could know, I want you to be my own.
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